Sexy Self-Love. Go F*ck Yo-self!

Self-love and self-care don’t just mean indulging in candle-lit bubble baths, oversized sweaters that swallow us whole in a cocoon of soft, or eating an entire container of something you love while burritoe-d in front of the TV shamelessly consuming your favorite show or movie. Another essential part of self-love and self-care is indulging yourself physically — the toe-curling, scream your own name variety of physical indulgence. Taking charge of your own sexual pleasure and allowing yourself to embrace and indulge in sexy self-love will help you lead your best life – believe it! 

“The sexual revolution that’s long overdue is about women loving themselves alone, with another, whenever, however, forever.”

Inga Muscio, Cunt

Getting physical with yourself can become a self-care ritual as regular as taking your gummy vitamins or doing face masks twice a week. Masturbating regularly will have a surprising impact on your overall physical, mental, and emotional health. Here are some of the amazing effects that masturbating can have: 

  • Focusing on your pleasure can relieve mental and emotional stress because it shifts the focus away from your anxious thoughts. You don’t have to have an orgasm to reap the relaxing benefits either – any sexy self-lovin’ is sure to take your mind off your everyday stresses. 
  • Orgasms trigger the release of endorphins that can help reduce stress temporarily. Endorphins are neurotransmitters that help us feel happy and energized (the same thing happens when we workout). This can also help relieve menstrual cramps!
  • Masturbation is like a mini self-love workout. While it’s not generally rigorous enough to replace your gym routine, it’s a great way to raise your heart rate and get you sweating. It also helps strengthen your pelvic floor which can lead to stronger and longer orgasms. Who doesn’t want that?!?!
  • Self-love workouts can take a lot of physical and mental effort, which can make you tired. If you have trouble falling asleep, it can be a good before-bed ritual to help you feel snoozy. 

In addition to these benefits of sexy self-lovin’, knowing what gets you off can help when you have another person in your boudoir. For one, it can increase your libido, making you want to have more sex. Like anything that your mind or body craves, the more you get, the more you want it! Also, building sexual SELF-confidence will have the added benefit of boosting your confidence in communicating with your partner exactly what you like, what you want, when, where, and how. Fostering clearer and more intimate communication with your partner can lead to more fulfilling relationships, sexual or otherwise.

So let’s talk about how to get started! Babes, have you ever thought about how marvelously mystical our pleasure systems are? We all know that dicks are finite structures – very straightforward (pun intended). On the other hand, the pleasure systems of vagina owners, are infinite and mysterious – and so, too, are our orgasms. Besides being able to get off as many times as we want, as often as we want, we can also have, what I like to call, Combo-Gasms. These super-intense and often longer-lasting orgasms can be achieved by stimulating multiple zones of arousal together. I’ll be talking about the two most popular and easiest to start with.

The most obvious starting place – ol’ faithful – would be the clitorous. This gorgeous little pearl of pleasure is nested at the crest of the vulva, usually ensconced by silky folds that protect our little treasure. This is the first place to check out if you’re new to the masturbation game. Just give your clit a good rub – up, down, side-to-side, round-and-round – until you find a pattern that makes you see stars.

If you’ve already got a rhythm going, far be it from me to tell you how to werk it. But I would encourage you to explore other zones of arousal and types of orgasm. Just like a tried-and-true family recipe or your 18-step, carefully crafted and curated Korean skincare routine, your masturbation rhythm is specialized and personal. And while I’m always ready to turn to ol’ faithful to get the job done – sometimes this can lead to repetitive and anti-climactic climates. My advice – mix it the fuck up!

“An orgasm is like the big bang, the explosion that creates life and makes life worth living.”

Chloe Thurlow, Katie in Love

On that note, I will now introduce the second most popular zone of arousal (though it needs no introduction): the mythic g-spot. There is a plethora of information on the internet about how to find and stimulate your g-spot, so don’t be afraid to open this treasure trove and start experimenting! 

Something to think about if you’re feeling frisky and want a little help is to incorporate toys and other pleasure products into your self-love rituals. Vibrators have been our best friend for over a century, and there are a lot of discrete, un-intimidating pleasure products that you can find on sex-positive, female-owned, women-empowering websites like Dame, Unbound, and Crave! If you want to have a truly explosive Combo-Gasm, stimulating multiple zones of arousal at the same time can get you there! [hint: try a rabbit vibe]

If you’re really new to sexual intimacy and/or sexy self-loving, getting started with the tools readily available to you might be the best choice! One of the best places to have a sensual tryst with yourself is in the bath. Aside from being a cozy and relaxing place, running water, when directed strategically, can get you THERE, if you catch my drift. Treat yourself next time you’re having a soak – you won’t be disappointed! And babes, be on the lookout for an exciting announcement from Lovability cumming soon, which may… or may not… have something to do with sexy bath times… [More on this next week, babes – I can’t give too much away just yet!]

At the end of the day, sexy self-care is an essential part of knowing how to love yourself and your body – physically, sexually, spiritually. Getting off regularly is great for our emotional and mental wellbeing, and can even help us be better communicators with our partner(s). When it comes to sexy self-love, “too much of a good thing” doesn’t exist!  So go forth – blast “Love Myself” by Hailee Steinfeld from the rooftops and go f*ck yo-self!

About The Author

A recent graduate of UC Berkeley, Elizabeth Mason earned her degree in Gender and Women’s Studies. Currently, she is looking towards graduate school, and hopes to continue to focus her studies on womxn’s health and sexual wellness. Her main interests include identity politics and their relation to issues surrounding womxn’s healthcare and sexual liberation. She looks forward to the day when all womxn are empowered socially, politically, and – most importantly – sexually. She can be found on Instagram @elizabeth.mason.

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