Let’s Come Together: Why You NEED to Try Mutual Masturbation

by Darcy Rae

Have you ever felt frustrated that you and your partner just weren’t connecting, or they weren’t really getting it when it comes to communicating fantasies or how to give and receive pleasure? It might sound kinda weird and obvious, but showing each other exactly what you want through mutual masturbation can be a really good way to strengthen your sexual connection and increase your attunement to each other.

Mutual masturbation might sound awkward, especially if you’re unaccustomed to being so vulnerable with your partner. But….it’s exactly for that reason that it’s such a good exercise for your relationship! Besides deepening your connection and intimacy, pleasuring yourselves together is a super dynamic practice that can be added in all kinds of ways to your sexual repertoire.

Here are some reasons why you should give it a try! 

via Giphy

Oh, The Benefits of Mutual Masturbation

When you masturbate, you’re connected to yourself in a unique and intimate way. Being able to share that with another person (or people!) can increase intimacy and connection as well as be a great teaching moment for the next time you get down-and-dirty with each other.

Masturbating with or for your partner/s can be part of foreplay or an innovative way to connect during social distancing. It can also be a satisfying alternative when it’s been a long day and you’re not in the mood for partner or penetrative sex but still need the relief of rubbing one out (or in).

Before the Main Event (AKA foreplay)

When you go multi-player in the bedroom, intra-course is a great opportunity to show your partner/s EXACTLY what turns you on and gets you there, especially if verbal communication just isn’t cutting it.

I know I’ve had a lot of trouble articulating what I want my partner to do for me, so being able to show them what I mean when I say “idk just rub to the left” is very helpful for the both of us. I also know that it’s a crazy turn-on for them, especially when they can take my directions and properly apply them, and vice-versa.

Learning what turns your partner/s on will be a huge help for you, too. Not to mention how hot it can be to see them pleasuring themselves and explaining in graphic detail exactly what they need and want. It increases the intimacy like crazy when we empower each other by helping teach and learn how to give and receive pleasure. 

In The Age of Digital

Mutual masturbation is also a great way to create intimate connection when you aren’t able to see your partner/s in person. Phone and video sex have been tried and true methods for spanning physical distance between partners for as long as the technology has been around. Incorporating it can be a fun way to get sexy over digital whether because of social distancing or as part of long distance intimacy.

The best part is that you don’t have to be a professional “cam girl” to impress your partner/s on a video chat. Here are some useful (and HOT) video chat sex tips that might actually make you reconsider that OnlyFans account you never used… 

via Tenor

Jokes aside, if you’re not sold on mutual masturbation yet, allow me to set the scene. 

No matter if you’re going digital or if you’re getting physical in person, getting a good start is always important. Begin by setting your intentions by making it feel like a real date night. Light some candles, uncork your fave flirty wine (pouring yourself a generous glass because you deserve it), get out your go-to lube and toys to (more than) hint at what’s ahead, and take your time with each other.

Once you’re ready to get to it, let yourselves undress slowly, warming up your bodies for what’s to cum. Unfolding the evening slowly will help loosen you up and get everyone in the mood.

When you’re ready to get into more heavy petting, try starting by describing what you’re doing to yourself. It’s not only a major turn on for you and your partner/s, but it will also help communicate the kinds of stimulation that you like, which will stoke the fires of their imagination. Listen to them do the same, and take mental notes so that when you next come together you can, well . . . cum together! 

via Gfycat

There are a lot of ways you can mix it up from here. If you’ve been building up the sexual tension all day, you could opt for a quick and climactic dual finish. If your goal is to take your time, then do just that. You could take turns, using different positions, angles, and lighting to really show off what you’re doing to yourselves for each other.

If you want (and are able) to get a little more hands on, try stimulating each other in other ways while you get down with yourself. Stroke nipples, plant kisses, or use your mouths on other body parts. The possibilities are endless, which is why it is such a versatile and intimate practice.

Mutual masturbation is not only a great way to connect to your partner/s in a new, exciting, and vulnerable way, but is also an ideal option for virtual love in the time of Corona. Building connections is difficult and can take a long time, but this is definitely a practice that can help you get where you want to be both emotionally and physically.

If you’ve never tried it before, I urge you to give it a shot and see where it can take you!




About The Author

A graduate of UC Berkeley, Elizabeth Mason earned her degree in Gender and Women’s Studies. Currently, she is looking towards graduate school, and hopes to continue to focus her studies on womxn’s health and sexual wellness. Her main interests include identity politics and their relation to issues surrounding womxn’s healthcare and sexual liberation. She looks forward to the day when all womxn are empowered socially, politically, and – most importantly – sexually. She can be found on Instagram @elizabeth.mason.


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