When a guy starts fumbling around a drawer and finds his (rather questionable and definitely not vegan) condoms under a pile of old socks from 2007 or even 2017, I go from being really turned on…to wondering if that frozen yogurt place down the street is still open.
How many dudes have their condom game on point? Do they even exist? If you know one, please send me his number, I’d like to take him to dinner.
Face it; most guys aren’t exactly condom connoisseurs. Okay, so they know their size (XXL obviously…) but what about knowing how to put it on correctly? Being prepared at all the right times, and making sure it isn’t expired?
We think it’s pretty retro (and ridiculous) to assume that all guys are going to be the Prince Charmings of prophylactics. In the age of dating apps and hookup culture, we often find ourselves feeling blessed that they even have one on hand in the first place. But why should we leave our night and, more importantly, our health in the hands of Mr. “I think I might have a condom… somewhere around here?”
Ladies, it is time to lean into your sex life and take the protection power into your own hands. Not convinced? Let us show you why we carry condoms.
1) I know how to put them on correctly
I read the directions. I know what I’m doing. And with the cute and convenient Lovability tins, I know that I’m not risking any rips or tears! When I carry my own condoms, I know I’m being safe.
2) Putting it on myself doesn’t ruin the mood
If I carry my own condoms, I know what I’m doing. That means I don’t have to pretend to stare at the ceiling while I wait for him to put it on. Or worse, endure the oh-so-awkward backwards roll on… you know the one. When I carry my own condoms, I can make protection sexy.
3) Fumbling around ain’t cute
As I’ve said before, waiting for my guy to shuffle through piles of dirty laundry to find his one (possibly ancient) Trojan turns sexy time to time for, well, pretty much anything else. When I carry my own condoms, I don’t have to kill the mood.
4) Women know when they’re planning on having sex
When women decide they’re having sex tonight, they’re having sex tonight. After all of the prep beforehand, how could we not? Guys on the other hand, well, they could get laid or… not? It’s always a game of chance. So why leave it up to them? When I carry my own condoms, I know I call the shots.
5) I want to know what I put inside my body
Too many times have I seen a dude pull out some brandless neon condom wrapper with Universe-knows-what on the ingredient list. Or worse, some crazy feature like “numbing” or “tingling” scrawled right across the package. If I’m having sex, I want to know just what is going in my body. Thankfully Lovability’s condoms are natural and vegan! When I carry my own condoms, I’m taking my health into my own hands!
6) I teach my partner how to treat me
Gone are the days of condom-less excuses, bargaining pleas and blue-ballsing manipulations! When I carry my own condoms, I set a standard, not only for my health but for how I should be treated.
7) I’m not ready to have children
It’s an exciting time to be a woman in society. We all know female CEOs, business tycoons, philanthropists, scientists, travelers, you name it. And for many of these women, a kid just may not be in the cards yet. So why risk it? When I carry my own condoms, I choose my own future.
8) Sex is more pleasureable when you’re not freakin’ out about STDs
Anxiety (about anything, really) is a huge obstacle for orgasm. So why not alleviate one little stressor and protect your health? After all, STD’s are super common. When I carry my own condoms, I stay clean! To learn more about STDs, check out this handy link.
9) Women should take charge of their own health
My health is my responsibility. And I don’t want my health, or my body, in the hands of anyone else. Not in the hands of politicians and definitely not in the hands of that guy in my bedroom last week. I choose how I treat my body and I’m going to treat it like the queen that I am. When I carry my own condoms, I take a stand for women everywhere.