There was a time in my life when I couldn’t orgasm. Even with the strongest vibrator, I still felt numb. It was so odd to me because I definitely have been able to orgasm in the past. But, something just felt off. I couldn’t quite explain it. I could just feel it in my body. So, of course like any millennial, I Googled what was happening to me. I saw results like dieting, exercise, etc., but what really struck me was stress.
I was insanely stressed at that point in my life. I had just moved to Washington, D.C, ended an on-and-off 6-year relationship, and was stuck in a job that I hated. I started learning more about how stress can impact your ability to orgasm. I remember one sentence that truly jumped out at me. It said, “Your biggest sex organ is your brain.” Literally mindblown. Then, I learned about meditation, which means teaching your brain how to be calm and more aware in the present moment. Most important to my situation, meditation can translate into the bedroom.
Meditation and sex can be a very powerful combination. This study determined that women who meditated scored higher than nonmeditators in terms of sexual function and desire. Women who meditated also had higher scores when it came to arousal, lubrication, orgasm, and desire.
What is important in that study is that “improved sexual function is associated with overall mental health.” So, if your mental health is flushed down the toilet, your sexual functions could also be affected. Since meditation improves your overall mental health by removing distractions and focusing on the breath and present moment, it can support us by being present and aware during sexual arousal. After learning this, I decided I was going to commit to meditating 10 minutes every single day for 21 days (since research states it takes 21 days to create a habit) before doing some sort of sexual activity.
Here are some great meditations that are short, sweet, and to the point! I like taking these meditations during different parts of the day
This will only take about 3 minutes or less! This meditation will help you to notice the quirks of your body and relieve any tension that you have. Here is a step-by-step guide.
I do a body scan in the morning to tense up any muscles and then release them from the night before.
Taking Deep Breaths
Even a deep, long breath can help you get out of your own head. Taking deep breaths reduces your anxiety because it decreases your heart rate. If you feel stuck and anxious (in the bedroom or not) take 3 deep breaths inhaling through the nose and exhaling out the mouth.
If I get stressed in the car at all because – traffic, of course – I like to take deep breaths. The breathing meditation is perfect for the end of the day right before bed.
Personally, I loved doing this meditation as it challenged me a bit for someone who hasn’t really meditated before. It is around 5 minutes long and helps calm and slow a wandering mind. Mindful.org has a wonderful guide here.
If my partner and I have some sexy time planned, I like to do a little meditation ritual. I start by setting the scene. I put candles around my meditation pillow along with some incense. Then, I’ll put on whatever outfit I feel sexiest at that moment. The meditation I do is by Emily Fletcher, a Vedic meditation coach. Essentially, you are utilizing your five senses one at a time. This helps me connect and become more aware of my body. After, I feel relaxed and ready to connect with my partner with all my five senses.
Meditation and mindful exercises enhanced my sexual experiences because I was able to grow a mindful relationship with myself. Self-love is SO important! Doing a meditation practice and then self-pleasuring was an incredibly eye-opening experience for me. My mind was clearer and I was aware of any interrupting thoughts passing through. When my mind was clear, I was able to purely focus on my body and to breathe into my pleasure centers. It makes so much of a difference for me. Right now, self-love and self-care are more important than ever.
When I was stressed or anxious about having an orgasm, I wound up not having one. I never realized how important my mind and body connection was with sex until I started a meditation practice.
After the 21 days, I feel that I have a clearer sense of self and I was able to appreciate and love my body so much more than before! When you are mindful during sex or masturbation, you are tapping into untapped potential in the brain because it’s not distracted with unimportant thoughts like did I walk the dog? or I wonder how my face looks right now? Since the brain is truly the biggest sex organ, imagine how amazing your sexual practices would be if you were able to utilize it! Given the current times, I recommend the ultimate self-care routine: meditation, a relaxing bath, and masturbation! You can even use a toy that is completely body-safe!
There is a reason why meditation and mindfulness are hot topics right now. It really does work. It’s science. It is also extremely important to practice self-care during this time amidst the current climate. That’s why I seriously wanted to try it out for myself. Meditation helped transform my sex life because it changed my life.
About the Author
Lindsay Michelle is a sex educator, advocate, and writer. Lindsay currently has curated her own blog, Sex Ed and the City, where she writes informative pieces on a wide range of topics from sex ed and rape culture to toy reviews. When she’s not blogging, you can find Lindsay drumming with her all-girl power trio, Some Girls.
Find Lindsay on Instagram: @lifeoflindsaym and sexedandthecity.co