After a full week of work or classes, you probably can’t wait to let go and unwind over the weekend. You pull up Bumble or your dating app of choice to start swiping, start making plans with your girl squad, or get ready to call your significant other — and suddenly stop. You may be thinking, Are people going to judge me for the choices I make tonight?
Women are constantly judged for the choices they make in displaying and acting on their sexuality. Whether a woman chooses to have sex, has a long-term partner, or prefers one-night stands (or, as we like to call them, “one night planned-s”), it seems that someone always has something to say. The last thing you want after a stressful week is to feel the weight of society’s stigmas against female sexuality.
Want to feel less stress? Follow this guide before your next night out to make sure all your decisions are shame and stigma-free!
Set Your Expectations and Limits BEFORE the Night Gets Started
Before your evening plans begin, take some time to yourself to meditate on your expectations for the night. Is this strictly a girls’ night out? Are you open to having sex or not? Maybe you’d rather do something in between? Are you going to be with your partner or swiping right on a stranger? What you do with your night is completely up to you, there’s no need to get other people’s input on your limits and expectations. This is the perfect time for a little self talk without feeling any pressure from your friends or your date.
Be the Most Confident You
What makes you the most confident you? Whether it’s sweats and sneakers, heels and a little black dress, shaved or shaggy — present yourself the way that makes you feel the MOST, well, you. Wearing your inner confidence on the outside helps reinforce your power. Don’t believe us? Psychologists actually agree that the clothing we wear can have an impact on our state of mind and performance. So put on whatever makes you feel good, and you may find that you’ll be more confident in what you decide to do.
Pack your bag with your essentials. Your ID, a charged phone, your keys, and cash are likely already packed up, but consider a few other key essentials. An on-the-go toothbrush, gum, mini deodorant and perfume can help you feel and smell fresh all night. If you wear heels, foldable flats are a lifesaver on your journey home (or wherever you’re ending the night 😉).
And if you’re even remotely considering hooking up with someone, pack the basics: condoms, lube, wipes, and a body spray. Own your power and don’t depend on your date. Take your safety, pleasure, and sexual wellbeing into your own hands by bringing your essentials with you. We designed our One Night Planned kit, an exclusive collab with Urban Outfitters, to give you everything you need for a safe and fun sexual experience.
Follow Your Instincts
If you’re enjoying your night and the little voice in your head is telling you, “Yes! Yes! Yes!,” go for it! Do whatever you want and feel comfortable consenting to. There’s no shame in eagerly going after what you want (more on that later).
Remember, it’s 100% valid to change your mind at any time. If you’re not vibing with what you’re doing, it’s OK to walk away. Ask to just makeout, cuddle, or even go home. You don’t have to stick to your plans, as long as you’re guiding the new path. Changing your mind doesn’t make you any less amazing or powerful than you are. Speaking your mind and making sure you – and only you – are in control of your body are key to being a sexually liberated woman.
Ask DEMAND for What you Want NEED
Women experience a wide pleasure gap, especially when they are in heterosexual partnerships. Why should men have all the fun?! Learn what turns you on, and make sure your partner gives it to you. You’ll end up having a lot more fun and pleasure if your partner is providing you with an equitable sexual experience.
Turn that Walk of Shame into a WALK OF FAME
The next morning, whether you are waking up at your place or theirs, remind yourself that you’re a confident, powerful babe. Even if you’re stepping out in last night’s clothes, take a moment to remind yourself that you’re amazing because you have control over your life and sexual expression. Now hold your head up high and strut yourself to brunch – you deserve it.
About The Author
Bailey Shea (@baileykshea on Instagram) is a recent graduate of the University of Connecticut, having received a Bachelor of Arts in English and Communication with a minor in Women’s Studies. She is a strong feminist who hopes to use her future career in publishing and marketing to magnify unheard voices. Outside the writing world, Bailey is an aspiring powerlifter, the human embodiment of a sunflower, and a Taco Bell connoisseur. You can find more of her work at baileykshea.com.